Dee Saint of a Woman

Saint of a Woman

More than 3 Years. 1100 Days.

Loss = Eternal, Void = Infinity.

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Queen of Hearts

Radiant face, vivacious personality, vibrant energy, gorgeous smile…. she lit up my life and everyone around her with her joie de vivre. Dee won hearts wherever she went. Everyday. I am sure heavens above is no exception.

Dee personified YOLO attitude, living larger than life… with a sense of

• abundance without being ostentatious,
• class not classism,
• sophistication without snobbery.

But what truly defines Dee is her generosity, unbridled, unadulterated kindness, inclusive nature, and unconditional love. There was pristine purity and innocence about the way she built, nurtured, and nourished relationships.

Within a year of our marriage, we had moved to the Philippines. There is a word in Tagalog (Philippines) that sums up many qualities of Dee: Mabait.

Truly a Saint of a Woman!

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Two words and A Woman

Much before I met Dee, I was in love with 2 words, “Erudite” in English and “Vidushi” (विदूषी) in Hindi. When I started seeing Dee, what struck me most is her love for reading, writing and overall mastery over language and letters. Words rolled of her pen, keyboards, and tongue effortlessly.

For some men like me, the only woman who is more attractive than the most beautiful women out there, is a woman with words.

I knew I had found my girl!

I fell head over heels for my erudite vidushi girl! Unabashedly, Incorrigibly, Uncontrollably and Completely.

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Ganga.Yamuna. Saraswati

I remember the moment when I was immersing Dee’s mortal remains in the Triveni Sangam (confluence of the three holy rivers) at Prayagraj Dham. It was hard to let go…. My heart wanted to hold on to whatever I could …but my faith demanded I had to let her go.

So, I did.

I remained there for some time in solemn silence. It is usually a busy place but probably we were the only people at the Sangam at the moment. As the rippling waters and my sobbing heart settled down and became a bit still… it seemed Dee is looking back at me from under the confluence of the rivers.

Truth is what you see through human eyes is only 2 rivers – Ganga and Yamuna.

Legend has it that there was the 3rd river Saraswati too, ages ago. But somewhere along the continuum of time, she went underground, and Hindus believe she still flows, invisible and underneath.

And meets Ganga and Yamuna at the Holy Sangam!

At that moment, it seemed Dee is saying to me “Su, I will always remain with you and Pari. We have always been 3 and will remain so. Just like Saraswati, I may be invisible but always there, above beneath and around you. Always.”

It is only fitting that my Erudite Dee, chooses to be like the Goddess of Letters Saraswati.

Dee was both, my compass and anchor, whenever I drifted in choppy waters.

Very often in my solitude, I feel clueless, hopeless, and lost, navigating the lonely, dark alleys of life without Dee. It immobilises me and am the proverbial deer in front of blinding headlights.

When I gather my wits, I remember her words from the Sangam and summon the Saraswati of the Sangam of my life.

Surely, I do not see her. But certainly, I feel a gentle energy flowing into me like the calming influence of Dee that I always had. I feel her all around me.

The dark clouds begin to lift, and I find a ray of hope or some way ahead.

We were deceived and defeated by Destiny when it played its cruel hand and took Dee away.

But even Destiny cannot break the Triveni – Dee Eternal Sangam